Women Don't Want Men Who Obsess Over Legos?
Can We Be Playful Yet Grown in a Pop-Culture World?
Social media drama isn’t something I would normally cover but as a writer, producer, and filmmaker who feels that the integrity of our culture is not only reflected but sustained by the stories well tell each other, I wanted to address this issue because I believe that it reflects the challenges that lie ahead for not only the entertainment industry but our society at large, if we care about what we turn into, moving forward.
I recently came across a post on X that struck a chord, not for its novelty but for its unsettling familiarity. A number of users where sharing and reacting to a post by another user called The Religious Hippie regarding an observation from conversations with her friends. They were women seeking husbands and good fathers for their future children. Their chief complaint? "Man-children." She described men who indulge in cosplay (even of Lord of the Rings, a tale I hold dear), who obsess over Legos, Marvel, Star Wars—essentially, toys writ large. This, she noted, was the foremost grievance she heard from women, not merely her own circle but beyond.
Famed and admired YouTuber, The Critical Drinker responded with a sharp retort: “Imagine being so completely lacking in personality, interests, hobbies and passions that you actually get angry at the notion of people enjoying those things.” I think that ‘The Drinker’ is an incredibly smart and sincere individual but this time I felt that this reaction, which was shared by many others on X was rash and deserved more consideration, so I was compelled to add my own perspective: “I think normy women wouldn’t mind any of these things, but as a middle-aged man working outside of pop-culture, I do see an alarming amount of infantilized adults who seem to have no interest in anything beyond movies and toys. Women need to know men can be men when it counts.” I love fandome, but I worry that their quickness to take criticism personally might obscure a deeper truth we ought to address that I think is important to consider.
As a Gen-X’er and a reader, I grew up in the company of literary giants like C.S. Lewis, whose Narnia tales taught me wonder; Edgar Allan Poe, whose macabre mysteries stirred my imagination; and Oscar Wilde, whose wit and wisdom showed me the beauty of a well-turned phrase. I was also a devotee of comic books and science fiction films, passions I pursued with a fervor that outstripped my peers. Yet my hobbies were varied: I fished off of the coast, built electromagnets in my parents’ garage, crafted models, and tried my hand at woodworking. These were not mere diversions but stepping stones to practical skills, each a quiet lesson in patience, curiosity, ingenuity, and creation.
Contrast that with today’s preoccupations; Legos and cosplay, which, while charming in moderation (I get it. I love dressing up for Halloween or even as an actor, on set), can seem a touch excessive when they dominate a life. With the exception of the top tear creators who have taken their endeavors to professional levels, such hobbies often lean on consumption rather than creation, a pre-packaged escape rather than a foundation for growth, at least when a young woman looking for a well developed relationship can’t seem to get away from it, no matter where she turns. I recall the music and films of my youth, as well as songs of love and loss, movies that grappled with moral weight, all reflecting the adult world I was preparing to enter. Now, I see a culture awash in watered down and self-referential fantasies, music fixating on pampered angst or glamorized vice, while films churn out nostalgic but vacuous reboots, recycling the past rather than it occurring to their ‘creators’ to innovate.
As a filmmaker, I once dreamed of crafting stories that married the magic of my childhood loves, such as comic books and sci-fi for example, with the heart and cleansing soulfulness that I found in literature. My thinking being that as an adult, I could have the privilege of crafting new stories for the next generation of kids, so they would continue to live in the same magic that I did, until it was time to grow up. As I grew, there was a new and exciting promise that comics as a medium would mature, as well. There where comic books like The Crow, Sandman, Maus, and Watchmen, while flawed attempts, still exhibited tremendous potential for profound, literate storytelling. Yet, as in all forms of storytelling these days, that promise has largely faded, supplanted by commercialism and spectacle. The “growing up” of these mediums veered instead into regression, leaving us with entertainment that distracts rather than elevates, too adult for children yet more infantile than any respectable adult should accept.
How can the average woman, looking for a relationship with integrity be expected to understand these things and know the difference between one and the other, when the red flags are often in the front lines?
This brings me to a concern that weighs heavily on my mind, one that echoes the warnings of the Peter Pan archetype, the perpetual child who shuns responsibility, lingering in a ‘Neverland’ of fantasy. It cautions that such a refusal to mature can harm not only the individual but those around them, eroding the cultural and societal fabric. If too many of us retreat into these escapist realms for too long, who will shoulder the burdens of family, community, civilization itself? For those inclined towards The Bible, you will know that it too, offers wisdom here: Christ urged us to be like children in our wonder and humility (Matthew 18:3), yet Paul reminds us to put away childish things when the time comes (1 Corinthians 13:11). The balance lies in knowing when to embrace play, perhaps as a way to connect with our own children one day, and when to set it aside for duty.
Yet I remain an optimist at heart. I believe we can forge a path forward, a society that is both playful and mature, one that brings beauty and value to all we do. As creators and consumers, we must strive to infuse our passions with purpose. Let our films, our music, our hobbies inspire growth, not just escapism. Let them build skills, foster connection, and reflect the full spectrum of human experience. I dream of a world where we craft stories and pastimes that challenge us to be better as adults who hold onto wonder without forsaking responsibility. It’s a journey we must undertake together, and I, for one, am eager to see where it leads. Shall we begin?